Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
