So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
