Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
