Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
