Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
