I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The air was thick with penises
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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