Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
