I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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