he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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