I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
