I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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