I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
