If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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