We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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