just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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