I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
