My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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