i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
