fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
