life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
