No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
