dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
