So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
