After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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