Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
