Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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