Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
