I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
