Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
