His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
