I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
