he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
