party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
