I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
