I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize