he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
