bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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