I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
