Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
