Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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