just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's the barista slut.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
