Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
