It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize