oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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