Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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