u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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