I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
