you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do vagina's smell?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
