Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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