too bad you live with your parents still
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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