she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
