Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
