is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So drunk its hurt
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
