I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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