dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
