Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
