Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
