I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I will pee on everything he values.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
