so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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