My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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