how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
