he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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