I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
