Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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