if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The beer is more important than you right now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
