Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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